so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
