i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
