he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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