my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize