He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
