Don't make out with my wife yet
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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