He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
