I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
