I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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