I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize