i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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