I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
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If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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