Ambien. No doubt about it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
