I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
