i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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