I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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