Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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