Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
