There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
