Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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