It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
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I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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