I cut my penus on the lid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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