Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
