Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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