I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
