Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
