One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
