Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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