Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
