I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
