R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
