I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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