you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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