ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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