The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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