Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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