"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
