...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
