all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
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Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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