My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
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He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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