We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
