I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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