My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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