whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
im holly from the hills drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You were trust falling into bushes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
