I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
