bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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