the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
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whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
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I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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