real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
