You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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