Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
