I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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