I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
