I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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