Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
