im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
