plz talk dirty to me
My friends, they love my intelligence
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
