She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
