I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That was an excessively violent trivia night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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