My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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