We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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